~~~ SO TOOTSIE ~~~

Meditating on what I shall name you I heard a whisper, your name so soft and gently in my left ear. I turned to look but no one was there. I thought I might be going crazy but then I realized finding a name for you was my very prayer Mistreated, stressed and scared out of my mind...I decided that it wasn't so bad. My acceptance paved the way to my reality... On my very first appointment the nurse began to apologize as she looked at me As the very doctor who gave birth to me performed the ultrasound, I could see what he saw and realized it was the beginning of the end so I accepted it right then. I was not ready yet anyway, I told myself In hopes of feeling better. The mass was the size of my womb, the post was bare That night,  evil hands struggled to rip you from my womb...toilet crimson...pale and clammy skin somewhat conscious of the loss within. The ambulance ride was horrible, the hospital even worse... BUT hearing you call to me after just 2 miles......

Have you gone into the grocery store recently and found all the bottled water gone, the juice barely there and the meat picked over? Well, that seems to be the experience for many of my friends and family amid the Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic. I know what it is like to have to preplan and prepare for a natural disaster. I am from South Carolina the state that is no stranger to Hurricanes and flooding and I believe in being prepared. The Coronavirus seems to be no different in urgency. The closure of schools and the possibility of many having to be quarantined at home has created stockpiling mayhem around the country. If you find yourself not finding the essentials that you think you need in the grocery store, this information is just for you. No Milk: Use Powdered milk, coconut milk or Almond milk. No Meat: Try frozen burgers: meat or veggie. Buy frozen seafood, go to the fish market or go fishing. Don't forget that beans are a great source of protein too! ...

I was asleep for 10 years, now I finally woke up. Once  studied to be a doctor but forced to give it all up. A nervous wreck. I couldn't focus. My sanity is everything, eyes have opened. Each second of every day I am getting stronger. My lens clear by the one who laid it down for me, creator of lighting and thunder. I know you are hoping that I fail but it is He that lives in me that makes me prevail. "Our Daily Bread" helps with my daily bread. It guides my focus. No longer blind, controlled by your manipulation. How I used to beat myself up has dissipated. Taking the advice of Jay Rock to "win" is highly appreciated.  I almost made it. Let me take a moment to repharse it. "No weapon formed against me shall prosper." You cant serve two masters...Three weeks ago, 3:24, the alarms, the pot, the knocks. The desperation is evident. Vengance is not mine but the one who is heaven sent. Recheck your confidence. One too many foul balls. Go ahead and tak...

This is for you. I know you reading. Dedicated too much time to your mistreatment. Sitting around just thinking of ways to destroy my image. The "Great I Am" my vision is much too big for your comprehension. I tried to bring you along but you are resistance. The very definition of inconsistance, so you forced me to move my distance. The hate you demonstrate has and still is making me great. The whole you dug is the home you reaped. You created. Vengance is not mine. The level of pettiness complimented...weak. I say my prayers right before I sleep. Wake up refreshed, favored, blessed and I am still meek. As much energy as you have put in being sneaky, I have dedicated my life to peace, prosperity, love and calamity. I am done explaining. You got what you wanted. Stellar performance, Grammy waranted. You always wanted the stage, now you have it to yourself. All eyes on you. Cameras flash. The curtain closes as the final act approaches. You exit stage left. The TKO in motion...

"I want to be selfish with your love.",  he says. She can read between the lines. Your self-esteem is low right now and you are just looking for a good time. I... am... not... that woman! "My biggest regret is you!" he replies. She smiles and shakes her head. I know you are trying to make up your mind and maybe test the waters but I am not desperate! I am a woman of purpose. I am optimistic and I will help you out of the pit. But if you think you are going to just sleep with me with no com-mitt-ment, your intentions are not Heaven sent! I have been been through this scenario several times before...my reply remains the same...to the left is the door. My advice; your knees are where you need to be, praying to the good Lord almighty!

The flower has bloomed, the art is live The truth revealed. Spirit alive Create with passion, boldness and haste fearless, courage...luxurious in taste Green and piercing...red and fierce earth and fire...Flame within....Twins... Soul connection...EMBRACE THE RED Comfort here. Stress reliever. Picking up tomorrows' here... saving the best for last-at-last we are here. Can I trust you with my fears after all-these-years...of...waiting for you?

Pet peeve: leaving your plate on the counter instead of putting it in the sink... I like to share...the only requirement, don't touch my things. So, you are too good to take out the trash? No stress...I'll take it out... but don't expect me to cook so you can eat... You disconnect the fire alarm...light candles with no match. Don't look at me sideways...I see the embers in the trash...you're reckless... Matter of fact, as I write this, I'm eating Grits, red beans...Thanksgiving leftovers for breakfast... I drink Green Tea with ginger and lemon...no sugar needed... I can't stand clutter...Winter time Spring cleaning ~

Fula, Balanta, Mende, Catawba...somewhere in Europe by way of Alabama... Mulatto, light skinned, all the way down to the richest of color My black is my black...Maxton, Marion, Dillon and Mullins My great Aunt Mayzell and Aunt Judy sat on their hair. Uncle Ernest hair straight...Great-grandma Sicily, wavy loose curly...mustang black... touched with a sprinkle of Gray Great-great-great-grandma Josephine, Uncle Julius and eight others... descendants of Albert Williams, my great-great-great-great grandfather.... He considered himself black unlike, Aaron, his identical twin brother. First black teacher in Marion, or so indicates their research...self-sufficiency discovered Ciff Lee, mothers father, only met him once in person but over 30 years desired. 6 foot 4 gentle giant...so many questions unanswered...still yet, I can't stomach to form the words to say that I ever blamed ya James Buie Sr, the only one I knew as Granddad growing up, I salute you and that rifle.RIP...l...

What have we become? A symptom of Black Market injections Fix-A-Flat, Cement, illegally obtaining Silicone for a bigger bum... The videos glorify the fakeness that you want to become Because you have perceived it in your mind, the damage has already been done. Whatever happened to squats and lunges...doing things the old-fashioned way? Wanting to be the object of his desire...meanwhile, killing yourself ever so softly I see your jeans screaming at the seams...you refuse to hear them... thinking the bigger the better... until you be Cardiac-arresting, retarding your personal development. You control your image, not what they silently promote... They like to see it, sleep with it, feel it...understanding the difference... definition of what a freak is. Love yourself for you being you...instead of paying homage to those additives that will remain constant even after you cease to exist Girls going overseas...dying for bum injections. Fake nurse traveling from Asia to Australia...

2 years 2 minutes, the amount of time between our births. Same doctor, same hospital, we are some type of twins for what it's worth. Our understanding, her understanding, my understanding mother earth. Raised by a Virgo, perfection is a must...We see imperfection as beauty...Status quo don't give a fuh Long locs, short locs, sandels, heels and high tops...Introverted, extroverted, at times the same. ...Two down to earth sisters...I am very aware that I am the one that looks mean I will tell you "no" in a heartbeat, she might tell you "yes" in a second. I'll read your energy for what it's worth...She does the same but only focuses on what's best. 930 days 120 seconds...the amount of time we are apart...dare to get connected...our passions, our minds, our heart... Creativity, a must or we both will get bored...don't lie or break a promise...now that you can't afford... We forgive as we don't stay angry very long...Our attent...

Gently and strategically covering my blemishes ...creating the foundation for a flawless finish I am what you see but what lies below is much deeper the glass in which I see is unique to few people I choose to see beauty. I choose to make lemonade...I choose to see the sunshine after the rain I am connected to the foundation where strength becomes naked...to support the designs of my hands... my mind...one goal...perfection Make the time to be imperfectly perfected. Rise to greater heights...It's okay to love different... My heart won't hide...My lips...my eyes cannot tell a lie Comfort...conversation. Beauty meets the eye Apply as much concealer as you truly need... But remember to let your foundation breathe. Paint the colors that you crave to be. Be bold...unyielding... In the know...Be free ~

I could not help but to overhear your conversation The disbelief in your voice as you told you friend... "He just up and left me". I tried to focus on my game but the hurt in your voice reeled me further in... "He left me with the mortgage, the car insurance, and he didn't even pay the light bill". I wanted to say something but it wasn't my place. I wanted to tell her, know your status...hurry up and get checked She continued to say, "He never acted this way...He was so sweet and caring, I just don't know what to say". My mind kept wondering, could it be drugs?, does he have an alternative lifestyle?...is he down low or hiding another child?  She was beautiful but looked exhausted...sad...trying to hold it together... for the 7 year-old daughter they both share The receptionist called her to the back and then my son and I soon after. "Ma'am, I think you left your keys", I told her. She rushed to retrieve them f...

Cancer, my presentation...rising Aries, my true nature...abiding... Capricorn, my emotions...my moon Water...fire..earth...my admission... I dance to my own tune. Strength is my passion, the waves are my peace Fire brews within..outwardly  c-a-l-a-m-i-t-y Pursuer, exotic, sensual in nature Intuitive, clairvoyant, what you know I already do...t-h-i-n-k-i-n-g...patience I move with grace yet unassuming like lava Still rational...the clouds I do not live... My paper...my wallet...true focus...10/25/13... Inspired by nature, grounded...unique...designed with a purpose...progression...free Perfectly imperfect and infused with conf-i-dence Many try to solve the enigma that is me...BUT drown in my water...can't take the heat Go-getter, loyal, purposely dull to many... Not really on my level...my pleasure...m-y-s-t-i-q-u-e

Did they really say you couldn't be interested in her because of her color? Or was it just understood? She is the epitome of beauty: sun-kissed, cinnamon bronzed, poised with a timeless kind of passion you would like to ignite...Wanting her to invite...you...to see what she is like Her knowledge seems silent yet speaks so loud. Your intentions are clear... She-knows-what-this-is-all-about You jokingly laugh and say it's soon to be over. She listens and wonders when you will realize you are living her very story. She is your wife but in REVERSE...She uncovered your truth...his truths....she knows and understands her worth She asks one question, "Did you marry her becuase you liked her or did you love her?" You get quiet claim to need to get the kids lunch, watch the game and pretend to be the perfect husband. I can guarentee you that she knows...her intuition has been sown with the seeds that we all have...woman-grown... Your troll account...your do...

To retreat; to go within... It is not my place for revenge What you give is what you get The bed you made and so you slept No more tears from your secrets No more lies will I believe Tomorrow is brighter with you not in it Your capacity to love...weak My strength is from above My heart... a masterpiece of love My class...a class of its own My passion, deeper than the darkerst part of the ocean. No man can tell my zone What I choose to release is only what you will know. The more I trust you, the more I will show. You thought you knew but you have no idea...what lies between, beneath, within.. my knees...I aim to please... My delicate skin is now only mine to touch. I am not sorry...what could have or should have been... My truth is my lust... my pen is my passion...my words are my honey...yours truly manufactured ~

Love is forgiving. Love is kind Love is the four letter word that Can make you loose your mind Love is cold. Love is warm. Love Is the rainbow after the storm Love is simple, yet so complex... It is the reason for being as well as for taking ones last breath Love is mercy, love is grace Love is hurt under the hate Love is black...white...and all The colors in between. Love Is happy and living, hurtful And free Love is special, yet, so very strange. Love is so ironic because it is much wanted yet can bring so much pain Love is sacrifice , leaving behind the familiar. Love is addition, fleeting...resilient Love is as safe as a risk; with the understanding that it is just what it is... Love is the great connector Or divider. It is the thing that will take us higher Love, if mistreated, magnetizes disobedience. Conflict occurs And new rules emerge... Love is progression just look At it backwards!! Love is the ultimate undeniable factor

The truth is lost every time you speak Every other word is a lie and I am just plain ole` tired. They say everything happens for a reason no matter the season... I guess that is why I keep catching you... you dream lesion I pull away from you because you seek my pain. I am now grown up by your disdain I was told it is an attack of the enemy... I could care less, at this point, I recognize it is just my test I can see myself so clearly without you.... every time you mess up, I know I can live without you...with your fake self! I know what you may be thinking; I am not doing evil

Kreative Blogger Award Although I have been away from my blog for quite some time, I was elated to find that I won the Kreativ Blogger Award. I want to give a much appreciated thanks to   June  for selecting me for the Award. The Kreativ Blogger Award comes with, what I like to think of as, a mini Q.A. Session. So keep reading and I hope you find my answers interesting and useful. Enjoy!!!!! 1.  What is your favorite Song? I absolutely love music from all genres if you can believe it! It is quite difficult for me to choose just one but I am going to have to say, "You Brought the Sunshine" by the Clark Sisters. This is an upbeat inspirational song that I just cannot help but to sing every time I hear it, no matter my mood! 

Married? I thought I said "I do"... Conception? for you a nightmare come true... Hope? You seem to not have any left... Thoughts? Negativity at its best... Wishing? Your best thing to do... Understanding? Non-existent, you only listen to you... Dreams? How will they come true? So quick to say what you will not do Claims of being too good and refuses to  See what is best for you... You say you don't need anybody's help... This is the worst lie you have ever told yourself... You see, pride causes one to fall; fast and without rescue... Every time you look around, friends are moving faster But you love to hurry up and wait on people...Yet constantly forget about the Master Lost little lamb you are who chooses not to be found. Always looking at and grazing in someone elses' field but refusing to acknowledge your own... Blaming me will get you nowhere...Accepting your Own mistakes and faults will teach you how to care... Alwa...